Saturday, December 31, 2011

Kiss me.. It's midnight somewhere! ;)

…And 2011 comes to an end. Slowly, but surely. I guess it’s a bittersweet feeling for me. It’s another year I have to say goodbye to. And another year to look forward to! This year I have had SO many great memories. As fun as it’s been, it’s also been the most difficult year for me as a person. I think I’ve grown up more as a person this year than I have over my entire life. I’ve learned things that have helped me find who I want to be and quite honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I gotta say, I don’t know where I would be right now without my best friends. I don’t know where to begin with them. You may have friends that are pretty great, but mine.. Mine are special. One thing I will say is that you gotta choose wisely when it comes to best friends. I got lucky with mine! My best friends… are hyper, successful, dependable, beautiful, funny, intelligent… the list goes on and on. They’re also very blunt, childish at times, impulsive, and sometimes complicated. And I wouldn’t want them any other way.  The very BEST part about my best friends? We put each other first. No matter what. I know that if I’m in trouble, or I need someone that I can call them.

  My friends are the kind that if the house was burning down they would be making smores and hitting on the firemen” .. Honestly, this quote couldn’t describe us more. We just get each other. We know exactly what we’re thinking. And we usually tell it straight like it is which is what I love. We have a friendship that is natural and most people can see that. Believe me when I say, these girls have become more like sisters to me. Sisters that I have always wanted. They’re family to me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

This year, was ALL about fun for me! And boy, did I have some fun! J Went on fun vacations. I enjoyed being 17. Luckily, I have a few more months left to enjoy high school, but trust me when I say I have enough memories to last me a life time! I’ve been with guys that are completely wrong for me haha…. I’ve made mistakes... I’ve done stupid things just to get a thrill! Yep... I’ve successfully lived the perfect life of a teenage girl and I have loved every second of it.

Looking back on this year, I have absolutely no regrets! Everything has turned out exactly how it should be and I couldn’t be happier. There have been some pretty bad memories this year (memories that I cannot wait to forget)... But there have been so many good ones! Thinking back, I can only smile at everything that has happened. I’ve grown closer to my parents. I’ve grown friendships that have changed my life. And I’ve found what truly makes me happy. So I guess I can’t ask for more right? J

Sometimes I wonder if I let my parents down.. as their daughter. I hope they aren’t ashamed of who I have turned out to be! Yea, I’ve let them down PLENTY of times, but I hope they know that I try. And that their support means the world to me. They make me want to be better, and they have always taught me that I can be. Now, I’m not a fan of ‘New Year’s Resolution’ because I usually stick to them for about a week... and then I give up hahah! But one thing I am really going to work on this year is to be happy with what I’ve got. I realize sometimes I act like I don’t have anything to lose.  I couldn’t be more wrong about that.

I am the luckiest girl in the world and I wish I remembered that all the time. I have a family who does nothing but support me. I have friends who have made me the girl I am today. And although he isn’t exactly "mine", I have a guy that makes me smile every single day who I really do love... even if he may not know it or even begin to understand how much! And I couldn’t be happier! I don’t let these people know nearly enough how special they are to me. So here is my way of saying thanks to them. For making me happy, and making smile when I need it most! Not very often do you find people who you can be yourself with. I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have EVER been! Maybe I’m lucky? Or maybe I am just now realizing that I have everything I could ever need in life! 2011 may not have been perfect, but I am expecting 2012 to be even better. I look forward to many more memories with the people I love!
I have heard it said that New Year’s Eve is supposed to spent with the most important in your life. Why? Because it’s the start of a new year, and that’s all that matters. So even though New Year’s kisses are GREAT! ;) And celebrating the New Year is amazing… I ‘d like to take a time out, and say to everyone who I didn’t spend my new years with.. That I appreciate you being in my life. Thank you for those of you who have made me laugh and smile all year long! J I hope everyone had a safe, fun New Year’s.. And partied hard, of course! It is the New Year's! ;)

Monday, December 26, 2011

It takes two to tango, but one to let go...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you vulnerable. You build up all these defenses so no one can hurt you and then someone wanders into your life, and you realize you have a pain in you that you didn't have before. A real 'get-inside-you-and-rip-you-apart' pain..."

Ya know, all I have to say about love is that it can either build you up or tear you down. A long time ago, I fell for a guy who simply wasn't good for me. And I've spent the past two years trying to forget it all. Forget him. I've had plenty of people tell me to stay away.. So what was it that kept me going back? Was it because I 'loved' him? Was it because I thought he 'loved' me? Or did I just like the idea that I thought I could prove them wrong? I thought I could change him. I learned one thing for sure through this: I can't change anyone! In fact, most people can't change themselves. Even if they do 'love' someone.

Have you ever wondered if people look at you and go "She needs to get over it. It's ruining her life"? I know I have. Doesn't that mean you're supposed to move on? Most people know what it's like to breakup. Everyone handles it different. Some ignore it, some let it consume them. Let me ask you this: Have you ever had to hug someone goodbye like it's nothing? When all you really wanna do is hold on forever? But you let go, smile, and walk away. Then you cry on the way home because you know it won't ever be the same, because try as you might you can't make someone love you... That is when love hurts the most. And trust me, I've been there.

Then there are those relationships that everyone warns you about. They tell you it's nothing but trouble. Save your tears for someone who cares, right?? Do you ever believe them? I never have... But I should have. I've always thought that I'd be able to prove every single one of them wrong! The problem with that, is a relationship is two people.. And it can't work if one person just doesn't care.

Have you ever met a guy who just likes the chase? They only want you when they can't have you. Once they get you they show absolutely no interest. I never quite get it. Why even put yourself through that?

Then there are those relationships that almost seem like a competition. Who can hurt each other worse? There are those people who use new relationships as revenge. Here's what I think about that: Grow up! If you're gonna let a girl go, then let her go... Be and adult about it! Trust me there are a million ways to break a girls heart. You don't have to run off and get with some girl just to prove you're alright, when the reality is.. you're clearly not! Because if you had to use a girl to get a reaction from an ex... You are not 'alright'. Maybe this scenario is a good thing though. Maybe it's the only way some people move on. To hurt each other so much that you have no choice but to let go.

My all time favorite break up: "Were better as friends" ha! I don't know where to begin on this one! Ya know, maybe in some cases this is true.. But most of the time the "friend" card is just an excuse. One thing I will say is that most of the time, a guy usually realizes that a girl meant more to him than he thought she did. He will realize he threw it all away. When that day comes... All you can do is smile and tell him the exact same thing he once told you. That he's your "friend" and that's all you want to be. And maybe, if he's lucky, he'll open his eyes and see how those words can never be comforting.. Ever!

I'm sure everyone can relate to what I have said, if you can't.. Then I guess you have no right to criticize because you don't know what it's like. So...What's my point? My point is there is no excuse for a guy to treat a girl bad... And there is no excuse for a girl to continue to let it happen. It's easy to let go if holding onto something hurts.. But if you love someone, you'll do anything you can to keep them with you. Unfortunately, there's a point when you have to let go. I guess you could call me a hypocrite because even I don't listen to all this advice. All I know for sure is that every girl deserves to be with someone who is nice to her all the time. 

My question is this: When is enough finally enough? I mean what if two people love each other but they can't get it right. Every time they try it just turns out bad. When do you finally give up and say its done? I guess it's different for everyone. Last night, I realized that enough is enough. It's time for me to let go. I realized that sometimes the person you want most really is the person you're better off without. I couldnt help but wonder everytime what was wrong with me. Was I not good enough? I've come to realize that sometimes that's just the way it is. And its true, if a guy really wants to be with you he will move mountains to be with you. 

It's rare, but sometimes guys do change for a girl. Sometimes they will do absolutely anything for them because they love them that much.. But keep in mind, that most of the time it doesn't work out that way. At least not in my experience. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words! I have major respect for guys who treat their girl right. I know plenty of guys who do. And it's good to know that not all guys are the same! I know in the end that I'm gonna be fine. I'll find a way to be happy, and I’d really love to be happy with him, 
but if I can’t be happy with him, then I’ll find a way to be happy without him. I don't know why we let guys dictate our happiness anyways. I apologize for rambling on, guess I have a lot on my mind! But I hope everyone had a merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! :)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

All I want for Christmas...

You ever wake up from a really good dream and you try to go back to sleep? Or you get the flu and you promise yourself that you would appreciate normal life so much more if you could just get back to it? That's the way I feel right about now. I just want things to go back to the way they were.
I love my best friend! Don't know what I'd do without her!

The past always seems much better than it was. I remember when I used to be so excited for Christmas.. I'd stay up tossing and turning all night. Last night was just another night for me. I realized I wasn't that little girl excited for Christmas anymore. I always knew it would happen.. But it caught me off guard. I guess you know you're really growing up when the only things you really want for Christmas can't be bought in a store... or given as a gift.

Have you ever just wanted to cry because you know that things will never be the same? Or just want to go to sleep as soon as you can so you don't have to think about things? What if that's the only way you can get things off your mind? It's a funny feeling.

This Christmas has been very different. I dont know why. Maybe it's because there is no snow. Maybe I'm just not into Christmas as much as I used to be. I love the feeling of being with my family every Christmas. I get to see all my little cousins so excited and happy! It never fails to put a smile on my face. My family has a lot of traditions. Every Christmas eve we all get together and the best part about it is that usually we are hardly missing anyone. Everyone is there.

I love the holidays just because I get to see everyone who is important to me. I get to spend time with the ones I love! I really couldn't ask for more than that. I am so grateful to have so many amazing people in my life who make me smile everyday. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world! I would like to especially thank my mom... The past few weeks I have been very hesitant on certain situations and I NEVER thought that my mom would be able to understand how I felt about it. It amazes me how supportive she is. I know it is hard for her to accept that I have to make my own decisions, but it means so much to me that she is letting me grow up and understanding how I feel about everything. So many people keep trying to tell me how to live my life and make decisions, and I understand where they are coming from but I guess at some point I have to choose what I want. It has only made me appreciate my mom more.
My boy! <3

Earlier I mentioned I just want things back to the way they were... But I guess I need to enjoy every day I have. One thing I have learned is everything gets better in time. Most of you who know me surely understand that I am the most impatient girl there is. I don't have any patience, but I sure try to! I am so grateful for my amazing family and friends! <3 I hope everyone in my life knows how much they mean to me! I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!! <3

Thursday, December 8, 2011

If you only knew..

Have you ever lost yourself? Or someone close to you? Honestly, I dont know which is worse. I'm not talking about losing someome as in passing away. I mean losing someone as in you don't know who they are anymore. The worst part about losing someone you thought you knew is that you didn't see it coming right? You hold onto something that isn't even there. It doesn't exist anymore. Today I finally realized that I am holding onto a person who just doesn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. We can wish they wouldn't all day but in the end it doesnt matter. Because they do!

So what do you do? Hang on to it, or let it go? In my case, I am speaking of a perosn. A person I thought would never leave. I think the biggest mistake I have ever made is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve to. Sometimes I ask myself if it's worth losing myself trying to hold on to someone who never cared about losing me. Change has never been an easy thing for me. I fight to hold on to things.

I wonder if some things aren't meant to be reconciled... Maybe people come into our lives to teach us a lesson and once that lesson is taught they are supposed to leave, and that's the end of it. But what if you realize you aren't happy without the person you thought you needed? What if they make you happy? Many times people told me that if someone cares about me they wont hurt me. They wont leave me. So why is it that I find it hard to believe? The person I am speaking of probably has no idea this is even about them, if they're even reading it. But here's my dilemma. I wasn't sure why I was 'losing' them. I didn't think he was 'leaving' me. I thought he was running. And what I couldn't figure out is, was he running towards something he wanted? Or running away from something he was afraid to want? I still can't answer that question. Time has shown me that I probably will never know.

Do you say goodbye to someone who hurts you, even if you don't want to be without them? Maybe you're better off without this person. Maybe you're not. Who decides? When do you get to that point of enough is enough? I'd like to say I have figured out when to let go and when to hang on, but the truth is I don't have the slightest clue.You would think if you're already losing someone it would be easy to simply forget everything right? Wrong!..

So I guess you just live.. Day by day. For a long time this person meant the world to me, but they never bothered to do anything about it. I guess you can't change the unchangeable. Most days I'm fine. I don't think about it much. It has become so familiar that I don't even notice how different things really are, but then there are some days when I ask myself if its right. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters in life. So here's to time.. :)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Everything Changes..

Well, I'm new to this whole blog thing.. so bear with me. I figure I might wanna join the rest of the world and create a blog of my own! We'll see how this turns out..

A little about myself- My name's Chelsea. I'm almost 18 years old. I have a younger brother named Austin who tends to drive me a little crazy sometimes, but I love him anyway! Hah! My parents are probably the best parents I could ask for. I can honestly say I don't know where I would be without them. I never realized how much they meant to me until they went away.. and sometimes, I still forget to remind myself to be grateful they are back home with me.

I'm turning 18 this week which is hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was begging my dad to read me princess stories before I went to bed. Everything has kind of snuck up on me and I'm slowly realizing that I'm not a little girl anymore. I have a lot of growing up to do, and to be quite honest I'm not too excited about it. My parents spoil me to no end... and thinking about how I have to be on my own soon kinda scares me :/

I've been filling out college applications and I can't believe how much is changing so fast. There are so many decisions I have to make in the next couple of months. Which makes me wonder if I'm ready for it all? Do I trust myself enough to make the right choices? I've had my parents to rely on my whole life when it comes to decisions and for most of you who know me well, surely you understand that I do not make decisions.. Whether it's what I want to do that day or where I want to go to college!! I'm indecisive about EVERYTHING!! My parents keep telling me I need to make ' the right decision for me' and 'do what I want'.. Seriously? My whole life they have suggestions for me and now they decide to let me choose?!! Haha come on now... My parents have been so supportive of me my whole life. I go to them for pretty much everything. It's so hard to believe that in a few short months I could possibly be going away for college. I'm definitely not ready for that.

My parents have been telling me for a month or so that I'm gonna be 18.. I have a lot of responsibilities as an "adult".. Ha! I'll be considered an adult? Yeah, no thanks. I have mixed emotions about this whole growing up thing. I want nothing more than to be out of high school.. Simply because it's high school, but then again I don't want to leave. I'm not sure I can handle being without my best friends every second of every day. That's when the tears come.. thinking about everything I have to leave behind. Senior year for me has been so fun! But I have definitely noticed a change in everyone. Most people are excited to get outta here and move on with their lives.. and don't get me wrong, I am one of those people but I'm also scared to leave everyone behind. High school is familiar to me and thinking about leaving something so familiar scares me.

This week I've had a lot of time to think about my life. Past, present, future. I guess I like looking back because for some reason I feel like turning 18 will somehow change things.. haha! Just another year right? As I've thought about all the memories I've had with everyone it makes me soo happy knowing I have such amazing people in my life. I only hope they know how grateful I am.

Since this is my first blog post I'd like to tell you a little about my best friends and family. I have the best friends in the whole world! No doubt about it. Shelby Furubuyashi has been a rock for me. I've grown so close to her this year... and I dont know how I'm gonna handle not going to college with her. The thing with Shelb is that she has a way of making anyone happy.. even on your worst days! I know no matter what that she will just be here for me .. It could be 2 in the morning and she would pick up the phone for me (and trust me, she has many times!!) She has been the best friend I could ask for. Along with all my other best friends: Mads, Boo, Katy, and Nat.

Haha us five definitely know how to have a good time. Mads is like my baby sister.. I think we're pretty much twins!! We just get each other. I can't believe last year at this time I hardly knew her. We cheered together, but we werent that close. Somewhere along the line we became best friends and I'm SO glad that we did :) Boo... Hah Bec! She has been here for me ever since the very beginning. Funny thing is, we HATED each other at first. When my parents went to Texas for my dads transplant we came friends.. SLOWLY! At first, it was more of a forced friendship... and we eventually became best friends! Bec and I have been through soo much together and I'm so glad that our friendship has only grown throughout the years. Katy! Haha this girl... she is the most sassy girl you'll ever meet and I'm not joking! I have the best times with her! I've known Katy for a long time, but we became best friends just recently a year or two ago. She has the best advice for me always. The good thing about her is she is ALWAYS straight up with me! I always go to her because she will tell me honestly what she thinks about anything! Katy always has had a way of making me laugh.. I mean, there have been plenty of times I've been mad and she instantly knows how to make tears fall from my eyes from laughing so hard! I am so glad she is one of my best friends! Then there's Nat.. Nat O'leary! HAHAH! When I first met Nat.. we hated each other... such a funny story, but to make it short it was because of a guy (of course)When I came to Woods Cross she didn't like me much, but I was friends with Shelb! I think Nat tried with all her power to not be friends with me hah! Nat and I became best friends Junior year.. The funny thing about us is that we are SO alike! We think the same about everything.. especially guys!! It was so funny to see how much we liked each other. Nat has always been here for me and I know she always will be. My friendship with these four means everything. It's so hard realizing how much can change. I love all the memories I have with them! :)

Now onto my parents. My mom's name is Tammie! She is the most amazing person I've ever met. She truly is my best friend! The thing with my mom and me is that we butt heads.. a lot! Me, being a teenager hasn't helped the sitaution much, but I know at the end of the day my mom is my biggest fan! She is and always will be here for me. As I have grown up it has made me realize how important she is to me. It is sometimes hard, but I love her so much for putting up with me. I know I can be very difficult! The best thing my mom has shown me is love. She loved my dad through one of the hardest times of our life, and her faith was never lost. It was amazing to me see how much she believed that my dad would get through anything. She was just by his side, no matter what doctors said (or anyone for that matter). She didn't care. It made me look up to her so much to see how strong she is.

My dad's name is Eric. I'm his little girl :) Always will be! He spoils me to no end. Growing up, I never realized how important he was. It was natural to have my dad in my life. When I was eight years old, I found out he was sick. I didn't know how bad it was. I was too young. I think that is when I grew the closest to my dad. I took him for granted. When I came into high school my dad got diagnosed again. They had to live down in Texas for months while my dad was getting treatment. I can honestly say that was the hardest time in our lives. Not having my dad here for me my first year of high school was huge. It only made me appreciate him more. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to have my dad here with me today. It is truly a miracle! I love my parents so much and I know that watching me grow up hasn't been easy on them. I know that I will always be their little girl. No matter how old I am.

I love my family and friends. They are truly what makes me happiest. I am so excited to start blogging. I think I will enjoy it :) Love you all! XOXO <3