The Show Must Go On

If you would have asked me three years ago how I pictured I would feel right now, I would have probably said that I would have everything figured out!. I would have said I would be overjoyed at the fact that I am leaving this place, and most the people in high school.. and a part of me is! Truth be known, I couldn't be happier to get away from most things in high school.. haha! But part of me doesn't want it to end because it changes a lot. I step into a new world. That scares me. I had someone tell me today that I'm the hardest person to read. That I need to start saying how I feel. So I asked myself how I was feeling right at that moment.. and I couldn't answer the question. So here's my best attempt...

The hardest thing about growing up for me, is letting go of what I was used to, and moving on with something I'm not. The past month has been a real eye opener for me. To say that stress has gotten the best of me would be an understatement. I completely changed the way I saw things and to be honest, I don't like the way I saw them.

It's been said that times changes things... Well, I disagree. Time doesn't change anything. The three years I have been in high school, I've realized that doing things changes things. If I didn't do anything, it would have stayed exactly the same way it was. As I look back on high school.. The one thing I found comforting was cheer and my friends. Part of me is sad to let it all go. It has all become a huge part of my life, but today I realized it's all in the past. No matter how fast it went by, this week means it's time to let it go. Graduation is a time for goodbye. It's a chance to look back on every memory and smile, and walk away from it all knowing that there are better things in store! :)

Very few people know exactly how I am. Most people don't have the slightest clue. The people who have stood by me through it all... through all the memories of high school.. Those are the people who know me! Those are the people I owe the world to. The past month I've changed the way I look at things, and not until this past weekend did I realize that it got me no where. Looking back, I've made a lot of mistakes. I was asked today if I regret any of it, and I said no. If there is one thing I've learned it's that sometimes I had to do the wrong thing. Sometimes I had to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. In the end, it has helped me find who I really am. Who I want to be.

With graduation on Friday I've had a lot of time to wake up and look back on everything. It always seemed so far away and in a matter of a second I feel like it has snuck up on me. Its finally here! The week I swore I'd live up! Its the end of one life for me and the beginning of another and I couldn't be happier!

It's hard to believe I've walked the halls of Woods Cross for the past three years. Most of the people that have passed me every day I don't even know. And I'm leaving that all behind. Somewhere between cheering at football games, falling asleep in class, and dealing with more than enough drama to last me a lifetime... I grew to love it! I loved that feeling of cheering on the sidelines at every game with the girls who became sisters to me. I liked the idea of getting through a week of school and going home on a Friday night knowing I had the whole weekend to have the time of my life! And I couldn't be more grateful for all the people who challenged me.. who pushed me. The ones who had nothing good to say about me and my life! The ones who put me through hard times and who made me realize that the person I am could really care less. I got through it all even stronger than I was before! Those are the people I have to thank.

There are so many people I owe thanks to.... My parents especially! I've put them through a lot the past few years but they are always there. To the people who continue to support me no matter what and believe in the person I am. The people who love me and give me so much happiness, so much to live for! I have grown up a lot the past few months and I have a lot more of growing up to do. I think it's safe to say I am beyond ready to let high school go! It only gets better from here!! :)

Never Grow Up...

It all hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. There are three months left of school and I have NEVER had to make so many hard decisions in my life. When did it all happen? When did I grow up and turn into who I am today? Because I still remember being a five year old little girl.. I remember my grandma always telling me to believe in myself, always!

When I was little, I LOVED Disneyland! :) I guess loved is kind of an understatement haha. I loved the hope it gave me. Tinkerbell was always my favorite character. Being the oldest grandchild, my grandma/family loved spoiling me.. haha! They smothered me with these ideas about Tinkerbell and Disneyland. I remember getting SO excited when I actually believed in it all! I remember going to Disneyland when I was a little older and I finally realized it was all make believe. I still remember getting frustrated and saying "This is stupid.. It's not real! None of this is real."... Geez! I remember like it was yesterday my grandma telling me that it was real. That I had to believe in it! So I did... I believed in it for a while. I know Disneyland isn't real now, but it gave me some kind of hope when I was younger. :)

That's kinda mine and my grandma's thing. She still to this day will tell you that Disneyland is real if you believe in it. Just like Tinkerbell is. ;) Ya know, sometimes I wish I could go back to that. Back to when I thought nothing could hurt me and I believed in it all. "Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust".. Haha it's a phrase that is all too familiar to me. Everyone in my family could tell you that I was that little girl that lived off of fairytales and the belief that Disneyland was real. I guess in some way that is all still a part of me.. Call me crazy, but I still believe in "happy ever afters" and sadly, I have too HIGH of expectations for guys. I guess I have Disney to thank for that!.. ;)

I'm not a little girl anymore.. I'm going to be making harder decisions than choosing what crayon I want to color with :( Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I can "take care of myself".. and I have this idea in my head that I can't let people down in my life. I have to make all the right decisions. But what if I dont know the right decisions? What if I dont want to grow up anymore?

Lately I feel like my whole world is changing. I've become a girl who is too tired to believe in myself or to listen. For those of you who know me well, you know that I can be very hard to read sometimes. I DO NOT make decisions. That is why it is so hard for me to make decisions about my life right now. Anything major in my life can take forever for me to decide. I look to what matters to other people. I talk to others and get their ideas and I usually put it all together into something that satisfies everyone else, but some decisions I need to make on my own. The thing that is hard for me is that I am the type of person that is "laid back".. What I mean is, I like people to give me the specifics and a plan on how they want me to do it. I have never been good at making tough decisions. I question myself and I challenge what i dont feel is right.

All day today I just keep asking myself what people want from me. I mean my whole life I thought I had a plan about what I want to be and where I want to go to college and now I dont. It's like I have no idea what to do. All I know is I want to stay this young as long as I possibly can. I keep trying to figure out what the right thing is to do and I dont know what that is. I have absolutely no idea. I keep reminding myself to take pictures in my head of everything so i wont forget.. I realize now that I can lose everything based on one decision. If I move away, I feel like I'll lose who I am and what I have become. Is it bad to say that I don't ever want to grow up?.. :(

I Got 99 Problems, And I'm All of Them.. ;)

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I have a lot on my mind right now.. and I've realized that I feel like writing is the only way I can say it best. So I'm just going to rant about everything and anything. Bear with me on this one..

I have always known I have a hard time saying how I feel. I cant express it very easily and that has definitely affected me lately. I dont just come right out and say how it is... and sometimes I wish I did. I put up a strong front. I recently heard a saying, "The truth will set you free"... I had no idea how true that was until I started thinking about everything.

If you haven't figured it out yet, one of the things I am going to be "rambling" about is communication. I mean, communicating is one of the first things we learn in life right? It's funny how you grow up and it actually starts getting harder to say what you really want or ask for it! At least, that's how it feels for me. Like I said earlier, I put up a strong front to protect myself. Not until recently did I ask myself where I should draw the line. I've had countless people tell me that I am too stubborn to admit how I'm really feeling. And lately I have seen the truth in that.

Now, truth be told, it's a girl thing. Most girls I know, including myself, say things and mean something COMPLETELY different at times! I have realized that as much as I want it to be true,  NO ONE can read my mind. So why do I find it difficult to express how I feel? And why do I get so frustrated that people don't automatically understand? Is it really just 'how I am?' Like I said, I 've seen a lot of truth in my life lately. I have opened my eyes. And I have come to realize that, although I thought I overcame it, I am still that shy, reserved girl I used to be when I was little. And for some reason, it is hard for me to admit! I HATE being shy.. and I didnt think I still was until I took a step back and realized that I only open up to people I am comfortable with. I guess I'm rambling about this because I am trying to convince myself that I need to start saying what I really mean and not assume people already know.

Now onto the next... Expectations!! I've heard it said that if you expect nothing than you'll never be disappointed, but is that possible? Because I have realized that I have expectations for people that I didn't even know I had. One of which is expecting people to clearly understand what I'm trying to say. So my question is: How do you know when you are expecting too much of someone? What if you are someone like me who has too high of expectations? One thing that I will say is I expect too much TOO SOON.. Let me put this in perspective, have you ever had someone expect perfection and nothing less? It's almost like you're doomed to fail right? That is when I think it becomes too much to ask. So as I try to see the truth.. I guess I want to be able to overcome my high expectations of others and being happy.

Well I guess I should try to wrap this long and completely random post up with my last "rant"... This one's a tough one and I'll tell ya why. I don't understand why people who have the most to say about me are the ones who really don't know about my life. "The people who know the least have the most to say".. Why?? News flash!! If I wanted you're opinion, trust me I would ask for it. Of course I understand that the people who really care about me are just looking out for me but I dont get why others do it.

One thing I have realized through all of this is that it doesnt matter how many times people tell me how to live my life. I cant even begin to explain how many times I have heard people tell me certain things aren't "worth my time". It may seem like I am compromising my dignity, and I may get upset or hurt but I know one thing for sure: I am happy! VERY happy! :) And if that's wrong, then so be it!!

I guess what I have realized is that I need to tell myself the truth about myself and by doing so it will help me become a better person. The past few months I've realized that I have to compromise things. Being stubborn gets me no where. I need to stop listening to what others think. Reality has given me an open mind. I want nothing more than to prove to people that they are wrong and above all else, I am going to make changes in order to be happier with the relationships I have in my life because that is all that matters.. :)

Cheer like it's your last... :(

Senior night? Are you kidding me?.. This came way too fast. I can’t believe in 3 and a half months it’s all over! As far as cheer is concerned, the games are coming to an end. Tonight might be the last game the seniors ever get to cheer at. The three years I have been in high school I have waited so long to get out of here, but there are still so many mixed emotions. :/

I don’t think it really hit me when I woke up this year on my last, “first day of school” that I can’t ever get it back. I don’t even know if it has hit me at all yet! I mean, I’ve thought about it. Every time the cheerleaders go out and perform I remind myself that I’ll miss it. And every time we cheer at a game, I remind myself that next year I won’t be doing it anymore. I think at some point every cheerleader has always wondered what it’s like to be in the stands instead of cheering on the sidelines. And this year I realized that cheering on the sidelines is what I’m going to miss most. I think every single person I have talked to that has graduated has told me that I am going to miss high school and that I don’t even know the half of it. Even after hearing them all tell me to enjoy it, I still feel like it hasn’t hit me yet.

Tonight is probably our last home game… It’s the last time we get to cheer at a high school basketball game and the last time we can perform at half time. I know it isn’t going to hit me until I’m crying my eyes out after cheering tonight so I guess it’s time I realize it because in a few hours it’s pretty much over as a cheerleader. :( We don’t have competitions anymore, and practices are just for fun now! Sure, we perform at the end of year, but that’s it.

My whole life I’ve cheered at games and pretty soon it’s all over. I know it’s not the end of the world haha! I’m moving on to bigger and better things. But there is always a part of me that is going to miss cheering and the friendships I have built. I wouldn’t trade anything for the years I have spent at Woods Cross. The friendships I have built with some of the teammates are unforgettable and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. I don’t think many people understand the bond we share as a team. I go to practice every day and laugh because there is never a time when cheer hasn’t made me happier. All the summer practices, and the parties, the early morning practices, tumbling at Cheerz, competitions, cheering at games...It’s all ended! And I guess you could say I wouldn’t want to end it any other way…

My coach told us at our last competition that some of her closest friends are still the girls she cheered with in high school! And I know the friendships that I have built on this team will last. Pretty much all of my best friends are on the team with me and it’s so weird to think next year I won’t be back at this school. But I want to say to my best friends and team mates that it has been an absolute honor to be a part of such a talented, close team! The memories this year are unforgettable and I honestly couldn’t be happier the way we are ending it!

To the seniors… Ah! I love you guys... Haha we’ve always gone all out and I am so excited to perform one last time with just you five at half time tonight :) To my amazing parents, who have supported me 100% in cheer… I am so glad that I have you guys to fall back on when things get hard. I don’t know how I would have gotten through my years of cheering without them. I can’t thank them enough for coming to every competition and performance. There is no greater feeling than looking into a crowd of people before I perform and seeing their faces every single time to calm me down! I am so grateful for the many years I have had to enjoy this and after tonight, I know I will be able to smile and remember it as a great memory! :) I guess I should probably be preparing myself for MANY tears tonight… but all I have to say to the seniors is let’s cheer it like it’s our last tonight (Because it is!) and umm… “We… Work.. Out!” :) Sassy and Classy.. <3 XOXO...

All We Do Is Win.... You ain't seen nothin yet!

"Somewhere behind the athlete you've become, the hours of practice, the coaches who pushed you, the teammates who believe in you, and the fans who cheer for you is the little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back! Play for her..."

AHH! Competition Season is already here??! You've gotta be kidding me! I remember when I first started cheering at Cheerz. Man, I had no idea how brutal that was going to be. And I also had no idea how much it would change my life forever!

I started Cheerz when I was probably 8. When I first started, I was shocked at how close everyone was. If you haven't had the chance to be on a Cheerz team, I dont expect you to understand because those teams are like family. It's practice 24/7 and you learn to love each other! Over time I overcame my shyness. I'm sure all my coaches still remember how shy I was. I was very reserved. My second year I became more outgoing. And by the third, I guess you could say I was a completely different person.

Loved this team so much! So long ago haha!

The girls on my team taught me so much. I grew to love them all like sisters. I know it's hard to believe that a bunch of girls can have such a sisterly bond like that, but at Cheerz we were taught to be a family. Of course, there were bad times.. Very bad times! We would all get frustrated. And yes, there were many fights! But I can't remember a time that I went to practice without laughing. It was a way for me to get away. I remember one thing I LOVED was being able to go on the floor when I was really mad.. And I could just tumble. Everytime hitting the floor I let it all out. Worked like a charm everytime ;) I knew I could go to cheer and be with the girls I trusted because we were a team.

Kelb and Shy! I love them soo much!

The things cheer has taught me is.. actually unbelievable. It is something I would never give up! Cheerz is where it all started for me, but it has gone beyond that. I have created friendships through cheer that I never thought I could, especially in high school. Ha.. I am already getting teary eyed as I'm writing this.. :(

9 days from today, I will be at my very last, first cheer competition as a Woods Cross cheerleader :( It has come WAY too fast. We work all year for a routine that lasts 2 minutes. And let me tell ya, its not easy! Long practices... tumbling, stunting, cheering. Non stop! I can't explain the everyday practices...  It's not only a team sport, but an individual sport. Everyone has to do their part or it just doesnt work. It's a commitment. It's full of expectations and determination. It involves not only your body, but your mind.

There are two things that can happen when it comes to sports teams... The teammates can come together as a team or they can tear each other apart. I have definitely experienced both of these situations. It can be so frustrating when a team doesn't work together, no matter how hard you try! But.. the best feeling is overcoming differences and working together!

This year, as a senior, has definitely been one of my best years so far. The first time our team practiced I knew we would all be close. If it weren't for cheer, I wouldn't have met my best friends.. I wouldn't have learned half of what I have learned in high school. I am so grateful for you all to have such amazing examples in my life. I've grown up with them and it's been such an experience for me. I just want to say to:

Stephy- You're absolutely amazing! In every way. You always motivate me and push me to do my very best. I am so glad that I have become best friends with you! <3 I love you so much babe! And really, you are seriously my idol! I don't know how I would have survived half of high school without you!

And Bec- Haha we ALWAYS have our moments but I hope you know our friendship means the world to me! I hope you don't leave me for college but if you do I know we will always be friends! Haha we will probably be on the phone 24/7 ;) So you might as well just not move to Cali.. Or wherever you end up going and just stay here so we can continue the good times! 

And now Shelb... :( She is the best friend I have ever had! And I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. Shelb is ALWAYS the first person I go to. No matter what. Haha I still remember when I first met her. Yes, we were wearing the same shirt... I had no idea that she would become my best friend! Who would have thought? :) She could not be a better example for me. Honestly though, Shelb. I'm talking to just you right now, and I know you're probably bawling so I don't feel as stupid since I am too.. but no one can understand what we've gone through. No one understand more than you.. and like, through everything you've helped me so much! And I really do.. I absolutely adore you and I think you're amazing! I wouldnt pick anyone else in this world to go through this experience with. Its been more than I could ever ask for! (I know that was long.. but she's probably leaving me when we graduate! And I dont know what I'm gonna do without this girl! Haha.. It's hard to believe only a few short months are left and then its over.)

Then there is the person who makes it all happen, Nichole! She's been my coach all throughout high school and I couldnt ask for better. She sees more in the team than anyone else ever could. There really aren't enough words to describe what she has meant to me. I am sure I speak for all the seniors when I say she has has been by our side through thick and thin. She really has taught us how to be a team and strive for goals, no matter how impossible that may seem. It has been amazing having her as a coach! :)

I know it's not goodbye yet. But with our last, first competition coming up.. it sure seems like it! Every long practice.. comes down to that routine! To all the Woods Cross cheerleaders.. I could go on and on about every single one of you! You are all like sisters to me and I wouldn't have it any other way! Once competitions are over, everything dies down. I never knew that I would grow so close to everyone this year! I know we are gonna KILL it at comp! That's just what we do ;) I love you all! And everything we have worked for is finally here! 5 competitions.. and then it's all over! I can't thank my team enough for the amazing memories and laughs they have given me! I will never. ever. forget how special this team is! My coaches ALWAYS taught me to "leave it all out on the floor with no regrets." That is EXACTLY what I plan to do! Love you all! Let's get it done babess! :)

Kiss me.. It's midnight somewhere! ;)

…And 2011 comes to an end. Slowly, but surely. I guess it’s a bittersweet feeling for me. It’s another year I have to say goodbye to. And another year to look forward to! This year I have had SO many great memories. As fun as it’s been, it’s also been the most difficult year for me as a person. I think I’ve grown up more as a person this year than I have over my entire life. I’ve learned things that have helped me find who I want to be and quite honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I gotta say, I don’t know where I would be right now without my best friends. I don’t know where to begin with them. You may have friends that are pretty great, but mine.. Mine are special. One thing I will say is that you gotta choose wisely when it comes to best friends. I got lucky with mine! My best friends… are hyper, successful, dependable, beautiful, funny, intelligent… the list goes on and on. They’re also very blunt, childish at times, impulsive, and sometimes complicated. And I wouldn’t want them any other way.  The very BEST part about my best friends? We put each other first. No matter what. I know that if I’m in trouble, or I need someone that I can call them.

  “My friends are the kind that if the house was burning down they would be making smores and hitting on the firemen” .. Honestly, this quote couldn’t describe us more. We just get each other. We know exactly what we’re thinking. And we usually tell it straight like it is which is what I love. We have a friendship that is natural and most people can see that. Believe me when I say, these girls have become more like sisters to me. Sisters that I have always wanted. They’re family to me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

This year, was ALL about fun for me! And boy, did I have some fun! J Went on fun vacations. I enjoyed being 17. Luckily, I have a few more months left to enjoy high school, but trust me when I say I have enough memories to last me a life time! I’ve been with guys that are completely wrong for me haha…. I’ve made mistakes... I’ve done stupid things just to get a thrill! Yep... I’ve successfully lived the perfect life of a teenage girl and I have loved every second of it.

Looking back on this year, I have absolutely no regrets! Everything has turned out exactly how it should be and I couldn’t be happier. There have been some pretty bad memories this year (memories that I cannot wait to forget)... But there have been so many good ones! Thinking back, I can only smile at everything that has happened. I’ve grown closer to my parents. I’ve grown friendships that have changed my life. And I’ve found what truly makes me happy. So I guess I can’t ask for more right? J

Sometimes I wonder if I let my parents down.. as their daughter. I hope they aren’t ashamed of who I have turned out to be! Yea, I’ve let them down PLENTY of times, but I hope they know that I try. And that their support means the world to me. They make me want to be better, and they have always taught me that I can be. Now, I’m not a fan of ‘New Year’s Resolution’ because I usually stick to them for about a week... and then I give up hahah! But one thing I am really going to work on this year is to be happy with what I’ve got. I realize sometimes I act like I don’t have anything to lose.  I couldn’t be more wrong about that.

I am the luckiest girl in the world and I wish I remembered that all the time. I have a family who does nothing but support me. I have friends who have made me the girl I am today. And although he isn’t exactly "mine", I have a guy that makes me smile every single day who I really do love... even if he may not know it or even begin to understand how much! And I couldn’t be happier! I don’t let these people know nearly enough how special they are to me. So here is my way of saying thanks to them. For making me happy, and making smile when I need it most! Not very often do you find people who you can be yourself with. I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have EVER been! Maybe I’m lucky? Or maybe I am just now realizing that I have everything I could ever need in life! 2011 may not have been perfect, but I am expecting 2012 to be even better. I look forward to many more memories with the people I love!

I have heard it said that New Year’s Eve is supposed to spent with the most important in your life. Why? Because it’s the start of a new year, and that’s all that matters. So even though New Year’s kisses are GREAT! ;) And celebrating the New Year is amazing… I ‘d like to take a time out, and say to everyone who I didn’t spend my new years with.. That I appreciate you being in my life. Thank you for those of you who have made me laugh and smile all year long! J I hope everyone had a safe, fun New Year’s.. And partied hard, of course! It is the New Year's! ;)

It takes two to tango, but one to let go...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you vulnerable. You build up all these defenses so no one can hurt you and then someone wanders into your life, and you realize you have a pain in you that you didn't have before. A real 'get-inside-you-and-rip-you-apart' pain..."

Ya know, all I have to say about love is that it can either build you up or tear you down. A long time ago, I fell for a guy who simply wasn't good for me. And I've spent the past two years trying to forget it all. Forget him. I've had plenty of people tell me to stay away.. So what was it that kept me going back? Was it because I 'loved' him? Was it because I thought he 'loved' me? Or did I just like the idea that I thought I could prove them wrong? I thought I could change him. I learned one thing for sure through this: I can't change anyone! In fact, most people can't change themselves. Even if they do 'love' someone.

Have you ever wondered if people look at you and go "She needs to get over it. It's ruining her life"? I know I have. Doesn't that mean you're supposed to move on? Most people know what it's like to breakup. Everyone handles it different. Some ignore it, some let it consume them. Let me ask you this: Have you ever had to hug someone goodbye like it's nothing? When all you really wanna do is hold on forever? But you let go, smile, and walk away. Then you cry on the way home because you know it won't ever be the same, because try as you might you can't make someone love you... That is when love hurts the most. And trust me, I've been there.

Then there are those relationships that everyone warns you about. They tell you it's nothing but trouble. Save your tears for someone who cares, right?? Do you ever believe them? I never have... But I should have. I've always thought that I'd be able to prove every single one of them wrong! The problem with that, is a relationship is two people.. And it can't work if one person just doesn't care.

Have you ever met a guy who just likes the chase? They only want you when they can't have you. Once they get you they show absolutely no interest. I never quite get it. Why even put yourself through that?

Then there are those relationships that almost seem like a competition. Who can hurt each other worse? There are those people who use new relationships as revenge. Here's what I think about that: Grow up! If you're gonna let a girl go, then let her go... Be and adult about it! Trust me there are a million ways to break a girls heart. You don't have to run off and get with some girl just to prove you're alright, when the reality is.. you're clearly not! Because if you had to use a girl to get a reaction from an ex... You are not 'alright'. Maybe this scenario is a good thing though. Maybe it's the only way some people move on. To hurt each other so much that you have no choice but to let go.

My all time favorite break up: "Were better as friends" ha! I don't know where to begin on this one! Ya know, maybe in some cases this is true.. But most of the time the "friend" card is just an excuse. One thing I will say is that most of the time, a guy usually realizes that a girl meant more to him than he thought she did. He will realize he threw it all away. When that day comes... All you can do is smile and tell him the exact same thing he once told you. That he's your "friend" and that's all you want to be. And maybe, if he's lucky, he'll open his eyes and see how those words can never be comforting.. Ever!

I'm sure everyone can relate to what I have said, if you can't.. Then I guess you have no right to criticize because you don't know what it's like. So...What's my point? My point is there is no excuse for a guy to treat a girl bad... And there is no excuse for a girl to continue to let it happen. It's easy to let go if holding onto something hurts.. But if you love someone, you'll do anything you can to keep them with you. Unfortunately, there's a point when you have to let go. I guess you could call me a hypocrite because even I don't listen to all this advice. All I know for sure is that every girl deserves to be with someone who is nice to her all the time. 

My question is this: When is enough finally enough? I mean what if two people love each other but they can't get it right. Every time they try it just turns out bad. When do you finally give up and say its done? I guess it's different for everyone. Last night, I realized that enough is enough. It's time for me to let go. I realized that sometimes the person you want most really is the person you're better off without. I couldnt help but wonder everytime what was wrong with me. Was I not good enough? I've come to realize that sometimes that's just the way it is. And its true, if a guy really wants to be with you he will move mountains to be with you. 

It's rare, but sometimes guys do change for a girl. Sometimes they will do absolutely anything for them because they love them that much.. But keep in mind, that most of the time it doesn't work out that way. At least not in my experience. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words! I have major respect for guys who treat their girl right. I know plenty of guys who do. And it's good to know that not all guys are the same! I know in the end that I'm gonna be fine. I'll find a way to be happy, and I’d really love to be happy with him, 
but if I can’t be happy with him, then I’ll find a way to be happy without him. I don't know why we let guys dictate our happiness anyways. I apologize for rambling on, guess I have a lot on my mind! But I hope everyone had a merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! :)